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I screwed up.

April 1, 2012

I don’t really feel like getting into it – because it’s pretty murky and we could get lost. But – I have a habit of self destructive binging, where it’s like a switch goes off and I start being unhealthy and unproductive – the anti-thesis of what this blog is about. These periods can last days or weeks. This last one went for about six weeks, which is quite long. So now it’s back to reestablishing my good habits, and hopefully never going there again.


The screw up occurred in the context of a sunday afternoon. It being a weekend, and having been productive on my summer project during the week, I figured I’d spend the day making some music – operation make a bunch of short track ideas. I was working on ‘Syndicate’ – and it just wasn’t going anywhere. What I had already got down was really good and sounded nice, but I simply could n’t get anything going with it. What I think the screw up was – was that I was going outside of the bounds of what I had set for myself. I think I had decided ‘Alright, I’ll make these into full tracks’ – that was never the plan – I shouldn’t change the goals like that willy nilly. The goal was small enough that I could have finished it first (I still had the southpark idea to start, the strike commander idea possibly wasn’t going to happen, as it was proving difficult to find a version of the game with sound). If I had wanted to move on to full tracks, I could have done it at the end of the 10 days.

I think I would have been happier and more motivated when working on the track if my mindset had me ‘Alright, all I’m doing is adding a couple of ideas to this, and then I’m leaving it’, rather than ‘I’m trying to make a whole track here’.


So the lesson here is:
– Don’t deviate from the goal you’ve set yourself willy nilly.

Or: – If you are freestyling, then make sure you are having fun.


So where to from here?

I’m thinking: – Finish off this short goal thing. Which basically is maybe add a few more ideas to Doom, Wolfenstien, Syndicate, do something for South Park, and I’ll investigate Strike Commander, but that might happen.


Then, next task: ‘Make music for one hour, each night for a week’. It’s fairly simple, it’s just to get used to making music again, get my bearings. Infact, I don’t even really care what I get down for finishing this existing task. Anything rubbishy at all, just so long as I put something down.  


(Note: I ended up binging for another of weeks, didn’t post this till about a month later, things are getting back on track). 


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